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We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

Almost Heroes

by Igneous Theatre Productions

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1.
Overture 00:30
2.
ALL: WELCOME TO OUR QUIET LITTLE TOWN WHERE THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER EVERYWHERE AND THERE, AND THERE, RIGHT HERE! FRESH FACES, CHEEKS ARE ROSY EVERY NIGHT IS AWFUL’ COZY. ‘BORING BUT WE JUST DON’T CARE DR. MOUSTACHE: LET ME CUT YOUR HAIR! TOWNSFOLK: HERE’S MAIN STREET AIN’T IT SWEET IT’S GOT EVERYTHING WE NEED TO LEAD A HEALTHY AND PRODUCTIVE LIFE ‘CAUSE WE’RE BORN, THEN WE DIE BUILDING FAMILIES IN BETWEEN BUT WE STAY HERE SO OUR TOWN SURVIVES WE DON’T LOCK OUR DOORS AT NIGHT ‘CAUSE CAPTAIN ORDINARY’S ON OUR SIDE! IT’S JUST AN ORDINARY DAY HERE IN PLAINSVILLE USA YOU’LL NEVER LOSE YOUR JOB OR HAVE TO MOVE AWAY IT’S JUST AN ORDINARY DAY WE’RE IN PLAINSVILLE USA AND THAT’S OKAY ‘CUZ THAT’S THE WAY IT SHOULD BE WHEN YOU’RE ORDINARY RESPONSIBILITY-FREE NORMAL IS EXTRAORDINARY WE REALLY MEAN IT NORMAL IS EXTRAORDINARY TELL A FRIEND NORMAL IS EXTRAORDINARY TOWNSFOLK WELCOME TO PLAINSVILLE, PLAINSVILLE USA WELCOME TO PLAINSVILLE, PLAINSVILLE USA WELCOME TO PLAINSVILLE, PLAINSVILLE USA
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HENRY Come on, answer your phone... Hey Billy! Here it is. Day one of owning and running the store. We’re not going to mess this up. We got this. We’ve basically grown up in this store, how hard can it be? HEY BILLY, WE’RE ALL OUT OF QUARTERS THE BANK IS ONLY OPEN TWO DAYS A WEEK CAN SOMEONE SHOW ME HOW TO READ ALL OF THESE STUPID RECEIPTS? WHO SELLS US BREAD? WHERE DO I STORE THE CHEESE? SHOW ME WHERE I SIGNED UP FOR THIS JOB PRETTY PLEASE? HEY BILLY, WHY’D HE HAVE TO LEAVE US? HE WAS A HERO TO ME, A HERO TO YOU THIS WHOLE TOWN NEEDED HIM HERE, JUST LIKE I DO HE TAUGHT US HOW TO TRUST AND HOW TO BE TRUE THEN HE LEFT US AT A CROSSROAD WITHOUT A CLUE SO IT’S WRITTEN, SO IT GOES EVERY DAY, EVERY TALE, EVERY DREAM THAT I HAD ENDS WITH ME STOCKING SHELVES IN THIS STORE ONLY US NOW, ALL ALONE NOW I’M LEFT HERE WITH THESE SHOES TO FILL WITH JUST A MOP BILLY Anything else? HENRY AND A FLOOR HEY BILLY Do you think that I can do this? BILLY We can do this! ... Thats a superhero costume ... HENRY Isn't it Captain Ordinary's costume? BILLY: It's Captain Ordinary's costume! TOGETHER: IT'S FREAKING ORDINARY'S COSTUME!! BILLY DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS HENRY THE MAN WE LOVED WAS SO MUCH MORE THAN HE SEEMED I GET TO TRY IT ON FIRST! BILLY FAT CHANCE, IT LOOKS MY SIZE LOOKS LIKE YOU CAN’T EVEN GET IT OVER YOUR THIGHS HENRY SCREW YOU! SPANDEX STRETCHES BILLY FINE I’LL COMPROMISE BESIDES, THE MASK IS THE KEY FEATURE OF ANY DISGUISE Now that's super strength if I've ever seen it! BILLY HENRY- IT’S DESTINY- WITH GREAT POWER COMES GREAT OPPORTUNITY THEY’LL SEE, YOUR FAMILY TREE HAS PROVEN WHAT IT TAKES TO BE EXTRAORDINARY HENRY NOT FOR ME BILLY YOU WANTED CHANGE, WELL BUDDY IT’S HERE YOU JUST INHERITED A SUPER SECRET CAREER! NO ONE KNOWS, HE’S EVEN GONE WE’RE ENTRUSTED TO ENSURE HIS LEGACY LIVES ON IT’S YOUR TURN, FORGE A HERO’S TRAIL WITH THIS POWER DEEP INSIDE, KNOW YOU CAN NEVER FAIL! DON’T YOU WANNA BE FREE? COME BE A HERO WITH ME, WE’LL KICK SOME ASS AND FIND A HAPPY ENDING. FIGHT THE THUGS AND THE GOONS, PICK UP A GIRL, MAYBE TWO- WE’LL GET SOME FRIENDS AND DO SOME SAPPY FRIENDS THINGS HENRY DON’T BE SO SCARED- WHO CARES IF YOU FEEL PREPARED- ANYONE WHO CROSSES US TO THE MOON YOU’RE SENDING HIS POWER STILL LIVES IN YOU, HIS STRENGTH AND BRAVERY TOO, THIS IS OUR HOME AND IT NEEDS DEFENDING! Come on man, we’ve been preparing for this since we were kids! You wanted something more, so step up! I’m literally handing it to you, you can do it! (Optimism Man repeats while this layers on top) HENRY AND NOW IT’S WRITTEN HERE WE GO EVERY DAY, EVERY TALE, EVERY DREAM LEADS THE WAY TO THE DESTINY WE HAVE IN STORE TWO OF US NOW, AND WHAT’S MORE WITH OUR POWERS COMBINED, WE’LL BEAT BAD EVERY TIME THIS IS OUR HOME AND IT NEEDS DEFENDING
4.
ANNIE EXTRA, EXTRA READ ALL ABOUT IT, THE SAME STORY EVERY DAY 55 YEARS OF THE SAME FRONT PAGE, CAPTAIN ORDINARY PAVES THE WAY BY BEING THE HERO ALL THE TOWNSFOLK NEED AND HERE’S WHAT THEY HAVE TO SAY: TOWNSFOLK 1 Last week Captain Ordinary walked my dog for me when I was home sick in bed; he truly is a canine outta ten! TOWNSFOLK 2 Captain Ordinary always helped me cross the street! Even when I didn’t need to cross the street… and when I told him I didn’t need to cross the street, he helped me cross BACK across the street! TOWNSFOLK 3 I literally don’t even look before I cross the street anymore! That’s how safe we are! BILLY I don't know what this town would be without him. ANNIE EXTRA, EXTRA READ ALL ABOUT IT, YEAH I’M TALKING TO YOU- IT’S AN HISTORICAL OCCASION HERE IN PLAINSVILLE TODAY- WE HAD A REASON TO PRINT A PAGE TWO- IT’S TRUE! OUR VERY OWN HENRY HARVEY SENIOR HAS DIED BUT HIS LEGACY LIVES ON BY BEING THE FRIEND ALL THE TOWNSFOLK NEED WHAT WOULD THEY LIKE TO SAY NOW THAT HE’S GONE? TOWNSFOLK 1 Henry would always bring me magazines and cough syrup when I was feeling sick. How he was always able to check up on me, I'll never know. It was so lovely having a friend looking out for me... TOWNSFOLK 2 Henry Harvey was a member of every town group and organization, including the PTA, the 4H Club, and the MAGFADD, you know, mothers and grandfathers against drunk driving. TOWNSFOLK 3 I go to “For Your Convenience” every day after school. Mr. Harvey always saved the last pack of bubble gum just for me! I’m going to miss him so much. HENRY I don’t know what this town is going to do without him. ANNIE HE WILL BE MISSED HE LEAVES A HOLE IN OUR COMMUNITY HE WAS JUST LIKE OUR CAPTAIN ORDINARY IN OH SO MANY WAYS TAKE COMFORT IN THIS- THAT EVEN THOUGH HENRY HARVEY HAS MOVED ON ORDINARY TAUGHT US ALL HOW TO BE STRONG- COME TO THINK OF IT NOW HENRY DID TOO! TOWNSFOLK NEVER SEEN EM IN THE SAME ROOM AT THE SAME TIME BUT I’M UNEQUIVOCALLY CONVINCED THEY COULDN’T POSSIBLY BE THE SAME GUY! ALL YES THEY’RE TWO INDIVIDUAL PEOPLE COULDN’T POSSIBLY BE ONE AND THE SAME DEFINITELY TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE, UNDENIABLY TWO SEPARATE PEOPLE, TOTALLY, WHY CAN’T YOU SEE THEY’RE TWO UNIQUE PEOPLE IF THERE’S EVER TROUBLE OUR HERO’S THERE AND ON THE DOUBLE. SIMILAR, BUT NOT THAT MUCH THOUGHT THEY WERE THE SAME BUT WE MISJUDGED DEFINITELY NOT THE SAME GUY! IN PLAINSVILLE, PLAINSVILLE USA
5.
CHAZZ I'M A BOY YOU’RE A GIRL HERE WE ARE IN THE WORLD AND I KNOW THAT YOU WON’T TAKE ME FOR GRANTED LIKE THEY DID, WHEN THEY DIED MY PARENTS, BY MY SIDE AS THEY DROVE OFF THE CLIFF, STRAIGHT INTO THE SEA, SEEEEAA THEY LEFT ME, MEEEEEE, ALL ALONE AND IT WAS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE BABE LISTEN WHEN I WAS LITTLE I FOUND MYSELF WISHIN’ THAT MY PARENTS WOULD FINALLY STOP DISHIN’ OUT ALL THESE DUMB RULES ON HOW I SHOULD LIVE MY LIFE LIKE DON’T TALK TO STRANGERS MAKE CHOICES NOT WAGERS REMEMBER THAT HAPPINESS HAS NO PRICE TURNS OUT THAT WAS BULL SHIT BECAUSE WHAT I HAVE NOW IS ENOUGH MONEY TO BUY A WHORE SO BABE LISTEN WHY DON’T YOU GET BACK IN THAT KITCHEN DON’T LIKE IT, YOU’RE ASS I’LL BE DITCHIN’ WE’RE SCRATCHIN’ BACKS, SO NOW GET ON YOURS SO HEY BABY, YOU’RE SUCH A PERSUADABLE LADY SO I’VE BEEN THINKING LATELY, YOU’LL MOVE INTO MY HOUSE BECAUSE YOU’RE SO POOR CAN’T SAY NO TO THIS ORPHAN BOY WHEN HE TELLS YOU TO BE HIS PRIDE AND JOY HIS TROPHY WIFE HIS MANLY RIGHT HIS DAY AND NIGHT….. FUCK BUDDY
6.
EMILY WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING? YOU KNOW, I’VE BEEN DOING THIS MY WHOLE LIFE THIS BOAT IS SINKING WE HIT THIS ICEBERG ON OUR PROM NIGHT AND OUT OF THOSE SELFISH ASSHOLES WOULD YOU BELIEVE THAT HE WAS THE BEST WELL TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE AND DON’T I DESERVE THIS, AND OF THE REST PLACE BETS- 10 THAT SHE STAYS, DOUBLE IF SHE GOES THE WHOLE TOWN SAYS BEHIND MY BACK SEVEN YEARS TO THE DAY, HE SUDDENLY PROPOSED THE ILLUSION IS SHATTERED, IT’S CRACKED AND I’M JUST WAITING FOR THE END OF THIS CHAPTER BECAUSE FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE I WILL WRITE WHAT COMES AFTER AND I’M JUST WAITING TO FIND MY OWN POWER AND TO MAKE SURE HE HEARS ME, I’LL JUST SCREAM A LITTLE LOUDER WHAT THE FUCK DO I SAY TO HIM? YOU GOTTA BREAK OLD HABITS BEFORE YOU TRAPPED AND FORGOTTEN STUCK IN THIS TOXIC LIFE THAT’S ALL I EVER KNEW YOU CAN’T BE A DAMSEL IN DISTRESS AND A SUPER HERO TOO BUT IF YOU’RE GIVEN THE CHOICE, THOUGH I’M NOT, I’D KNOW WHICH CHOICE I WOULD CHOOSE ‘CUZ I’M DONE WAITING FOR THE START OF THIS CHAPTER AND FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE I WILL WRITE WHAT COMES AFTER I'M DONE WAITING TO FIND MY OWN POWER AND TO MAKE SURE THEY HEAR ME, I’LL JUST SCREAM A LITTLE LOUDER FIND MY HAPPY EVER-AFTER, AFTER ALL BUT WILL MY REAL LIFE ENDING END UP HAPPY AFTER ALL?
7.
EMILY EVERY DAY IS THE SAME… EVERY DAY IS THE SAME… EVERY DAY IS THE SAME… EVERY DAY IS THE SAME... HENRY SO IT’S WRITTEN, SO IT GOES SO IT GOES SO IT’S WRITTEN, SO IT GOES EVERY DAY I’LL BE READY EVERY DAY SO IT’S WRITTEN, SO IT GOES SO IT’S WRITTEN, SO IT GOES EMILY I’M JUST WAITING FOR THE START OF THE CHAPTER I’LL WRITE WHAT COMES AFTER I’LL WRITE MY OWN STORY NO MORE CRAPPY ENDINGS FOR ME WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING? BILLY DON’T YOU WANNA BE FREE, COME BE A HERO WITH ME WE’LL KICK SOME ASS AND FIND SOME HAPPY ENDINGS FIGHT THE THUGS AND THE GOONS, PICK UP A GIRL MAYBE TWO WE’LL MAKE SOME FRIENDS AND DO SOME SAPPY FRIEND THINGS HENRY DON’T BE SO SCARED, WHO CARES IF YOU FEEL PREPARED ANYONE WHO CROSSES US, TO THE MOON YOU’RE SENDING HIS POWER STILL LIVES IN YOU, HIS STRENGTH AND BRAVERY TOO THIS IS OUR HOME AND IT NEEDS DEFENDING THIS IS OUR HOME AND IT NEEDS DEFENDING THIS IS OUR HOME AND IT NEEDS DEFENDING YEAH THIS IS OUR HOME AND IT NEEDS DEFENDING! TOWNSFOLK (GROUP 1) WELCOME TO PLAINSVILLE, PLAINSVILLE U.S.A (REPEATED) TOWNSFOLK (GROUP 2) THEY’RE DEFINITELY NOT THE SAME GUY TO OUR QUIET LITTLE TOWN WELCOME, WELCOME TO OUR QUIET LITTLE TOWN WELCOME, WELCOME TO OUR QUIET LITTLE TOWN WELCOME, WELCOME TO OUR QUIET LITTLE TOWN DEFINITELY NOT THE SAME GUY NO THEY’RE DEFINITELY, DEFINITELY, DEFINITELY NOT THE SAME GUY ALL HERE AND NOW AND DAY TO DAY WE’RE JUST LIVING OUR LIVES, TRYING TO FIND OUR WAY LIVE IN THE MOMENT IS WHAT THEY SAY TODAY IS JUST AN ORDINARY DAY TODAY IS JUST AN ORDINARY DAY TODAY IS JUST AN ORDINARY AND THAT IS OUR EXTRAORDINARY JUST ANOTHER ORDINARY DAY IN PLAINSVILLE, U.S.A
8.
TOWNSFOLK WHEN EVERY DAY IS THE SAME WHEN EVERY DAY IS THE SAME WHEN EVERY DAY IS THE SAME THEN EVERY DAY IS THE SAME, IT’S THE SAME AS THE SAME AS BEFORE AND IT’S A LITTLE BIT OF HEAVEN ANNIE I GREW UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CITY BUT I NEVER TELL ANYONE THAT TURNED SEVENTEEN, NOT MY SCENE, SO I RAN WITH NO LOOKING BACK YOU SEE FROM IN BETWEEN THOSE BUILDINGS I FELT SO SMALL, PALM SWEAT, HEAD HUNG POUNDS OF PRESSURE ON MY LUNGS I’M SCREAMING BUT NO SOUND COMES OUT OR MAYBE, IT’S JUST TOO LOUD AROUND HERE WHY IS THERE ALWAYS FEAR? SO I GOT OUT OF THERE STAT AND LEPT INTO SMALL TOWN LIFE TRADED IN A ONE-ROOM FLAT FOR A PLACE WITH NO TRAFFIC LIGHTS AND WENT FROM BIG CITY TO SMALL TOWN NEWS BECAUSE I’M SMALL TOWN NEWS- I'VE ALWAYS BEEN SMALL NOW EVERY DAY IS THE SAME TOWNSFOLK EVERY DAY IS THE SAME WHEN EVERY DAY IS THE SAME WHEN EVERY DAY IS THE SAME ANNIE AND I CAN BREATHE AGAIN TOWNSFOLK THEN EVERY DAY IS THE SAME, AS THE SAME AS THE SAME AS BEFORE ANNIE SOMETIMES I WANT MORE OWL GIRL HOW ABOUT A HAIR CUT DEARIE? DOESN’T COST A PENNY HERE YOU- YOUR HAIR CUT’S LOOKING DREARY COME AND SIT RIGHT IN THE CHAIR- COME SEE DOCTOR MOUSTACHE HE’S THE GREATEST FOR ALL OF YOUR BARBER QUERIES DOCTOR MOUSTACHE HE CURED CANCER TELL ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS! NO? COME INSIDE WE’LL TREAT YOU NICELY AND WE WON’T DO ANY SCIENCE THINGS TO YOUR BRAIN, THAT’D BE CRAZY THAT’D BE JUST A HOOT DR. MOUSTACHE Owl Girl get in here! OWL GIRL ALL WE NEED IS JUST ONE SUBJECT AND MAYBE THEN HE’LL KNOW I CARE THESE PEOPLE KNOW NOTHING ABOUT DESPAIR UNTIL WE RULE OVER THESE SMALL TOWN FOOLS AND DOCTOR MOUSTACHE SOON WILL FIND A WAY TO BE CRUEL AND EVERY DAY IS THE SAME AS THE SAME AS BEFORE DON’T THINK I CAN TAKE ONE MORE TOWNSFOLK STEP ONE HOT CHOCOLATE STEP ONE: DON’T HAVE FUN, YOU’RE NOT HERE TO MAKE FRIENDS TOWNSFOLK STEP TWO HOT CHOCOLATE STEP TWO: JUST PASS THROUGH, WHEN THIS ENDS I’LL BE BETTER FOR IT THEN I’LL GO AND GET A REAL GIG NEXT TOWNSFOLK STEP THREE HOT CHOCOLATE STEP THREE: JUST BE WHAT A HERO SHOULD BE PROTECTING THE COMMUNITY TOWNSFOLK STEP FOUR HOT CHOCOLATE NOT WE, JUST ME , FULL STEAM FOR GLORY CUZ IT’S TIME TO LIGHT THIS SMALL TOWN FUSE YOU CANNOT SNUFF ME OUT SO OWL GIRL & ANNIE START SPREADING THE NEWS HOT CHOCOLATE THIS INFERNO’S YOUR NEW HERO ANNIE BUT I STILL FEEL SO SMALL OWL GIRL I’LL WATCH THOSE TOWNSPEOPLE CRAWL HOT CHOCOLATE I’LL MAKE ANNIE I’LL FIND OWL GIRL I’LL TAKE THEIR ALL THREE HAPPY ENDING SEMI SUPERS WE’RE HEROES, THAT’S WHAT WE CHOOSE SO LOOSE ALL YOUR SMALL TOWN BLUES ALL THREE EVENTUALLY THIS TOWN WILL NEED DEFENDING SEMI SUPERS UNTIL THERE’S VILLAINS TO TAME TIL THEN, EVERY DAY IS THE SAME TOWNSFOLK EVERY DAY IS THE SAME CUZ EVERY DAY IS THE SAME WHEN EVERY DAY IS THE SAME, AND EVERY DAY IS THE SAME IS THE SAME AS THE SAME YES EVERY DAY IS THE SAME AS THE SAME AS THE- EVERY FUCKING DAY IS THE SAME AS THE SAME AS THE SAME AS BEFORE AND IT'S A LITTLE BIT OF HEAVEN
9.
HENCHMEN MURDER, MURDER, MURDER, OF CROOOOWS DR. MOUSTACHE I'M NOT THAT BAD OF A BAD GUY NOT TOO FIENDISH OF A FIEND NOT YET WORTHY TO BE FOE-WORTHY BUT I ALWAYS MEAN TO BE MEAN I TRY MY BEST TO CAUSE DISTRESS BUT IT TAKES A VILLAIN TO COMMIT VILLAINY You see Chad, dear Chad- CHAZZ Interrupting Chazz. DR. MOUSTACHE What?! CHAZZ Chazz. My name. Chazzzzz. With two Zees. DR. MOUSTACHE Ah. I see. You are a douche. Now Chazz, dear Chazz, don't be afraid of me. I wouldn't hurt you, I couldn't hurt you. I've always had a certain predisposition... YOU KNOW I’VE PLOTTED ALL THE PLOTS AND I’VE SCHEMED ALL THE SCHEMES AND I’VE SET THE SET FOR MANY TRAPS AND I’VE GOT A MURDER TO LEAD DR. MOUSTACHE (CONT) SO HERE’S MY STORY, FROM START TO FINISH AND THIS IS HOW THE ENDING WILL BE... YOU SEE I’VE GOT THIS MACHINE, IT’LL MAKE ALL MY DREAMS COME TRUE YOU CAN CALL IT OBSCENE, BUT MY DREAM IS A NIGHTMARE FOR YOU IT’LL MAKE ME A MAN TO CARRY THROUGH WITH A PLAN OR TWO AND SOMEDAY SOON I’LL SAY ORDINARY AND ALL YOU’LL SAY IS WHO? DON’T YOU KNOW THAT BRAIN TRUMP BRAWN? ASK ANY ROBBER, JOKER, THIEF, OR FOOL AND ONCE I GATHER SOME GUTS DARLING, I WILL FIND A WAY TO BE CRUEL CROWFORD & OWL GIRL YOU’RE GONNA FEED HIS MACHINE, IT’LL STEAL ALL HE NEEDS FROM YOU YOU CAN STRUGGLE WITH MIGHT, ‘CAUSE YOU’RE IN FOR A FRIGHT WHEN YOU’RE ALL ALONE AND DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO TRY NOT TO SCREAM, IT’S A PAIN THAT YOU’VE NEVER EVEN KNEW WHEN PUSH COMES TO SHOVE, I’M PUSHING YOU WHEN PUSH COMES TO SHOVE LET CHAOS ENSUE WHEN PUSH COMES TO SHOVE ALL YOUR NIGHTMARES COMES TRUE
10.
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OPTIMISM MAN YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT SOUL? I SAID, YOU WANNA TALK TO ME ABOUT SOUL?! I’M DEFINITELY NOT JUST STALLING FOR TIME, ‘CAUSE IT’S MY FIRST DAY ON THE JOB. LISTEN UP BUDDY- WON’T YOU LEND ME YOUR EAR? YOUR PROBLEMS WON’T LOOK SMALLER FROM WAY UP HERE. THERE’S NO USE IN CARRYING YOUR TROUBLES AROUND SO GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK AND TURN THAT FROWN UPSIDE DOWN TAKE A BREATH, TAKE A LOOK, AT THE CHANCES BELOW CUZ THERE’S JUST NO TELLING HOW YOUR STORY WILL GO NOW WHY’D YOU WANNA LEAP OFF A BUILDING THIS HIGH? IT’S ONLY TWO STORIES, YOU WOULDN’T ACTUALLY DIE YOU’D BREAK BOTH LEGS AND SPEND A WEEK IN THE ICU AND WHAT’S A POOR OLD HUMBLE CHAP LIKE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO? IF YOU CAN’T WALK RIGHT AND CAN'T WORK EVERY DAY AND YOU GOT LOTS OF RENT AND LOTS OF BILLS TO PAY THINGS COULD BE WORSE, YOU HAVE TO CONCEDE TRY LIVING ON A SUPERHERO’S SALARY IN A WORLD WHERE NOTHING’S FREE THINGS COULD BE WORSE, I SWEAR THIS IS TRUE THE ONLY THING THAT’S MAYBE WORSE THAN BEING ME IS MAYBE BEING YOU BUT, YOU GOTTA LOOK ON THAT BRIGHT SIDE YOU’VE GOT TO SMILE THROUGH PAIN JUST THINK ABOUT THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED AND HIDE IT DEEP IN YOUR BRAIN! JUMPER Oh really? Everyone in Plainsville lives such an easy-going life. I don’t belong here. This is the first time my boss let me leave work because he doesn’t want people to notice me! How messed up is that? What’s worse than my life? OPTIMISM MAN What’s worse than your life? Wellllll- YOU’VE GOT DISEASE, KILLER BEES, PEOPLE WHO NEVER SAY PLEASE, YOU SEE CRIME EVERY TIME YOU GO OUT IN THE STREETS, THESE DAYS EARTHQUAKES AND LARGE SNAKES, TSUNAMIS SO WIDE YOU’LL SEE LIONS AND TIGERS AND BEARS OH MY WORD, YOU’VE GOT ASTHMA ATTACKS AND PANIC ATTACKS AND MUGGER ATTACKS AND THEY’RE RAISING YOUR TAXES THE GRASS ISN’T GREENER, THE WORLD JUST GETS MEANER, YOU ONCE WERE A DREAMER BUT NOW YOU’RE A WIENER. PAPER CUTS, BUDGET CUTS, HAIRCUTS THAT AREN’T SO GOOD CAN’T GET A DATE TO THE PROM BUT MOM SAYS YOU SHOULD. MORMONS AND BURGLARS THAT COME TO YOUR DOOR TINY ROCKS IN YOUR SHOES NOW YOUR ARCHES ARE SORE. YOU COULD HAVE LOST YOUR JOB! JUMPER You know what? I hate my job. My boss is kind of a dick. OPTIMISM MAN Then quit!! Don’t delay your happiness! JUMPER You’re right! BOTH Yay! WELL YOU GOTTA LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE JUMPER LET GO OF FEAR AND WORRY BOTH BECAUSE IF YOU BELIEVE IN WHO YOU ARE YOU”LL BE THE HERO OF YOUR STORY HOT CHOCOLATE From the top! ALL THINGS COULD BE WORSE OPTIMISM MAN SO WHEN YOU’RE FEELIN’ DOWN ALL THINGS COULD BE WORSE OPTIMISM MAN JUST SING AND DANCE IT OUT ALL THIS WALK OF LIFE ON THE GREENER GRASS IT’S NOT HALF EMPTY IT’S A HALF FULL GLASS JUST LOOK FOR SILVER LININGS AND THE STORM WILL PASS IF YOU GET KNOCKED DOWN JUST GET OFF OF YOUR ASS AIN’T NO MOUNTAIN THAT YOU CAN’T SURPASS YOU STILL RAN THE RACE IF YOU CAME IN LAST OPTIMISM MAN NO ONE SHALL SURPASS THIS ENTHUSIAST ALL WHEN LIFE GAVE HIM LEMONS OPTIMISM MAN I MADE A BIG MESS BUT ALL THINGS COULD STILL BE WORSE
12.
Saved Me 03:49
EMILY DON’T LET YOURSELF GET DOWN IT’S NOT THE CLOTHES THAT MAKE THE MAN IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU FILLIN’ THE SHOES IT’S ABOUT DOING WHAT YOU CAN I WON’T LET YOU STAY DOWN YOU WERE LIKE A TOTALLY DIFFERENT DUDE OUT THERE AND THOUGH WE JUST MET EMILY & OPTIMISM MAN I WOULD BET YOU’RE WAY MORE THAN WHAT YOU WEAR ANNIE YOU’VE GOT A HEART OF GOLD HOT CHOCOLATE A SUPER COOL SUPER SUIT But like that’s not the only thing that’s good about you- EMILY YOU’VE GOT ME, YOU’VE GOT YOUR CREW ALL THREE DON’T NEED TO SING THOSE BLUES EMILY CAUSE WHEN YOU SAVED ME, SAVED ME I THINK IT SAVED YOU TOO! AND SINCE YOU SAVED ME, SAVED ME I WANNA SAVE YOU TOO! CAPTAIN ORDINARY That’s all fine and well guys, but this isn’t a comic book- any one of us could have gotten hurt today. HOT CHOCOLATE Who got hurt today?? OPTIMISM MAN That doesn’t make me feel very good… CAPTAIN ORDINARY WHAT IF I FALL? EMILY IF YOU FALL YOU’VE GOT THE LEAGUE TO PROTECT YOU CAPTAIN ORDINARY WHAT IF WE LOSE? EMILY & HOT CHOCOLATE WE’LL LOSE THE BATTLE, NOT THE WAR CAPTAIN ORDINARY WHAT IF THEY DIE? EMILY THEN THEY’LL BE NINETY AND WARM IN THEIR BED- I DON’T KNOW ‘BOUT YOU BUT I’M NOT THERE YET EMILY & OPTIMISM MAN THERE’S SO MUCH SAVING TO DO EMILY AND YOU SAVED ME, SAVED ME, SO NOW I’LL SAVE YOU Aren’t you guys super heroes? Go save the day! ANNIE Have fun. OPTIMISM MAN No way! We're a team! We need you Annie. ANNIE I'll just slow everybody down. I was so scared out there, and nothing that bad even happened! OPTIMISM MAN And you're gonna let that stop you from being a superhero?! ANNIE WHO DO YOU THINK I AM? I’M NOT SUPER LIKE YOU OPTIMISM MAN I SEE YOU’VE GOT A CASE OF FROWNY FEVER, BUT I’LL MAKE YOU A BELIEVER AND I’M COMIN’ FOR YOU We all are! SEMI SUPERS CAUSE WE’LL MAKE YOU A HERO IN A MINUTE ANNIE IT’S YOU’RE TIME TO SHINE JUST ADMIT IT YOU’RE A HERO INSIDE, LICK YOUR WOUNDS PLEASE DON’T HIDE GIVE IT ALL THAT YOU’VE GOT ANNIE OKAY I’LL GIVE IT A SHOT SEMI SUPERS NOW DO AWAY WITH FEAR, CAUSE THE WHOLE LEAGUE’S HERE WE’RE GONNA SAVE YOU, SAVE YOU! ANNIE NOW WE’VE GOT SAVING TO DO! LIL JOHNNY YEAH YOU JUST SAVED ME, SAVED ME LIL DEBBIE YEAH YOU SAVED ME TOO EMILY SEE, YOU JUST SAVED THEM, SAVED THEM LIL DEBBIE & JOHNNY ‘CUZ THAT’S WHAT SUPERHEROES DO! ALL NOW WE’RE STANDING EVEN TALLER THAN WE EVER COULDA STOOD BEFORE THE TALLEST BUILDING HERE IS ONLY TWO FLOORS BUT WE’RE JUST A LITTLE MORE EMILY YOU’RE BIGGER AND BETTER THAN EVERYTHING, SO STEP INTO THE SUIT HE WORE CAPTAIN ORDINARY WITH YOU BY MY SIDE, I NOW REALIZE THAT I CAN BE SO MUCH MORE ALL BE SO MUCH MORE BE SO MUCH MORE OH SO MUCH MORE! ALL IT’S JUST AN ORDINARY DAY HERE’S IN PLAINSVILLE USA AND LIFE IS GREAT. IT’S SWELL IT’S GOING REALLY REALLY WELL TOWNSFOLK AND NOBODY’S BEEN KIDNAPPED SEMI SUPERS SHIT TOWNSFOLK AS FAR AS I CAN TELL OUR SUPERHERO HAS SOME BRAND NEW SUPER FRIENDS THEIR POWERS ARE KINDA SHITTY; THEY’LL STILL USE THEM TO DEFEND HOT CHOCOLATE FROM WHAT? ALL HA HA! OUR LIVES ARE PRETTY GREAT AND THE LEAGUE OF SEMI-SUPERS ARE THE ONES TO CONGRATULATE AND THANK YOU SAVED ME, SAVED ME, SAVED ME, SAVED ME, SAVED ME, SAVED ME, CAPTAIN ORDINARY YEAH YOU SAVED ME TOO COMPANY SAVED ME, SAVED ME
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Made Me 01:31
OWL GIRL YOU’VE GOT A MIND LIKE A DIAMOND GOT ALL THE WEALTH IN THE WORLD YOU’VE GOT ME, BUT YOU CAN’T SEE THIS GIRL CAUSE I’M YOUR FIT JUST LIKE A GLOVE I’M YOUR MIDNIGHT OWL BUT I WANNA BE YOUR MORNING DOVE CAUSE WHEN YOU MADE ME, YOU MADE ME A FOOL WHEN YOU MADE ME, YOU MADE ME FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU
14.
CROWFORD WHAT IS THE EVILEST THING THAT I COULD EVER DO? WHAT IT’S ALL FOR, OR MAYBE FOR WHO? I'D BE LYIN' IF I SAID IT WASN’T ALL FOR YOU IF I WASN’T THE ONLY ONE, THE LONELY ONE WHO KNEW WHAT COULD I DO? I COULD STEAL EVERY LEFT SHOE, WOULD THAT IMPRESS YOU? IF NOT, I'LL TAKE AWAY THEIR RIGHTS, FOR YOU, FOR YOU WHAT COULD I DO? WE COULD BUILD A LITTLE LOVE BIRD’S NEST PUT OUR BIOLOGY TO THE TEST BREAKIN’ RULES IN THE WILDERNESS LOVE AND LOVIN' TENDERNESS BABY, CAN YOU HANDLE THIS? CHANNEL THIS RUFFLED SEXUALITY HERE I AM, OH CAN’T YOU SEE LIKE SHAKESPEARE I’LL COME ONTO THEE. SO WANT ME PLEASE WANT ME PLEASE WHAT COULD I DO? I COULD SPILL A GIANT OIL TIDE AND MAKE THE WORLD’S GREATEST SLIP-N-SLIDE BUT THAT’S ONE THING BP BEAT US TO, IF US WAS ME AND YOU WHAT COULD I DO? WE COULD BUILD A LITTLE LOVE BIRD’S NEST PUT OUR BIOLOGY TO THE TEST BREAKIN’ RULES IN THE WILDERNESS LOVE AND LOVE AND TENDERNESS BABY, CAN YOU HANDLE THIS? CHANNEL THIS FEELING THAT I HAVE INSIDE THAT THIS MOMENT IS THE TIME NOW I FINALLY SEE THE SIGN PLEASE BE MINE PLEASE BE MINE THESE ARE THE EVILEST THINGS THAT I COULD EVER DO ALL THESE PLANS THAT I’VE DREAMED AND SCHEMED FOR YOU SO I’LL TRY ONE TO MAKE THESE FANTASIES COME TRUE NOW I’M THE LAST ONE WHO KNEW WHAT I COULD DO, WHAT I WILL DO, FOR YOU
15.
Fair Medley 02:37
TOWNSFOLK IT’S JUST AN ORDINARY DAY HERE IN PLAINSVILLE USA AND WELCOME TO OUR FAIR IT’S GREAT SEMIS AND THEY’RE GOING ON A DATE! TOWNSFOLK NOTHING COULD RUIN THIS PERFECT DAY IN ANY KIND OF WAY. OPTIMISM MAN EVERY DAY WAS THE SAME AND IT WAS BORING AND LAME ‘CAUSE EVERY DAY WAS THE SAME SO I UPPED MY GAME, FOUND A DAME, WHO’S TO BLAME FOR THIS FAIR TOWNSFOLK AND IT’S A LITTLE BIT OF HEAVEN ANNIE Wait? You planned this all just for me?? Why something this big for me? I’m just small town news. OPTIMISM MAN I mean, it’s for the town but you’ll have such an amazing story to write about tomorrow. So I guess I might have had you in mind, ya. OPTIMISM MAN WANTED TO SHAKE AWAY YOUR SMALL TOWN BLUES SO I GREW A PAIR AND MADE SOME SMOOTH GUY MOVES I HOPE I GET A GOOD REVIEW TRUST ME YOU’VE NEVER BEEN SMALL AND YOUR STORY HAS A HAPPY ENDING AFTER AL- HOT CHOCOLATE Turn it up Plainsville! Thank you for inviting me to perform at your fair. Time to get to know your newest, most bad-ass, crime fighting queen in town! HOT CHOCOLATE, GETTIN HOT IN HERE HOTTER THAN A SAUNA SO YOU BETTER STAY CLEAR OF THE MAGMA VOLCANO’S ERUPTIN’, BITCHES GETTIN HEATED WHEN THE CHOCOLATE GET CRUMPIN’ WHEN I WAS JUST A LITTLE BABY BOUT TWO OR THREE MY DADDY’S BABY-MOMMA SHE FORGOT ABOUT ME SHE LEFT ME IN THE CAR, ON A HOT SUMMER’S DAY AND EVER SINCE THEN, CHOCOLATE LIKE IT THAT WAY! NOT HOT ENOUGH TO BURN, BUT I’M TOO HOT TO HANDLE I’LL HEAT YOUR DINNER PLATE, I CAN’T LIGHT YOUR CANDLE CAN’T TOUCH MY FLAME, CAN’T TAME THE BLAZE WHEN THE TEMPERATURE’S A RISIN’ YOU’VE GOT ME TO BLAME BEFORE YOU KNOW IT PARTY’S GETTIN HOT HOT HOT SOLID AS AN IGNEOUS ROCK ROCK I’M A HERO LITTLE MAMA, DON’T FORGET THE SUPER AND IF SHE TURNS YA DOWN, MAN I’LL TOTALLY DO HER! TOWNSFOLK OUR SUPERHEROES ARE THE BEST IN ALL THE LAND THEY MIGHT NOT HAVE A LOT TO DO BUT AN AWESOME FAIR THEY’VE PLANNED FOR US- YAHOO THERE’S NO US WITHOUT YOU AND WITHOUT THE LEAGUE OF SEMI SUPERS WE DON’T KNOW WHAT WE’D DO HOT CHOCOLATE CONGA! ALL OH CAPTAIN ORDINARY YOU ARE SO GOOD TO ME LETS FIESTA ALL NIGHT LONG!
16.
City Limits 04:24
CAPTAIN ORDINARY TOEING THE LINE, IN THE DISTANCE THERE’S A CITY BEEN HERE MY WHOLE LIFE, IF I VANISHED WOULD THEY MISS ME? EYES ARE ON THE HORIZON, EYES ARE ON THE HORIZON I THOUGHT THAT THIS TOWN WAS A WORLD NEVER ENDING I’M NOT A HERO AT ALL, I'M JUST A BOY PRETENDING BUT IT’S TIME TO WAKE UP NOW, BUT IT’S TIME TO WAKE UP NOW TAKE OFF THE CAPE, OFF THE WEIGHT OF THE WORLD IT'S CRASHING DOWN AND THIS TOWN NEEDS SOMETHING MORE THAN ME- MORE THAN ORDINARY, I’M SCARED- CAN’T BREATHE WHERE DO I GO? WHEN THE LIGHTS ARE CALLING ME TO LEAVE THIS TOWN AND A ROAD OF PROMISES JUST BEGGING ME TO BE FOUND AND THE CITY LIMITS TRY TO STOP ME THEY TRY TO HOLD ME DOWN AND THESE CITY LIMITS I’VE DEFENDED ARE THE TIES THAT KEEP ME BOUND IT ALL GETS SO LOUD IF NOT FOR CITY LIMITS I WOULD LEAVE THIS TOWN PICTURE ME, CLIMB THE SKYLINE TO THE TOP OF THE WORLD LEAVE NO TRACE, FIND MY PLACE, GET THE GLORY, THE GIRL EYES ARE ON THE HORIZON, EYES ARE ON THE HORIZON BUT IF EYES WERE ON ME WOULD THEY SEE THROUGH THE LIES? AND NOW EYES ARE ON ME IN A PASSED DOWN DISGUISE BUT IT’S TIME TO WAKE UP NOW, IT’S TIME TO WAKE UP NOW I WANTED MORE THAN THE STORE JUST A BREAK FROM THE OLD ROUTINE DIDN’T MEAN TO SUPERSEDE A LEGACY THAT WHEN THE TIME CAME TO FULFILL I CHOKED, I FROZE HEY BILLY I WON’T LET YOU GO BECAUSE YOU ARE THE BEST PART OF EVERYTHING I KNOW TOWNSFOLK SO IT'S WRITTEN HOT CHOCOLATE & ANNIE SO IT'S WRITTEN CAPTAIN ORDINARY SO IT GOES OPTIMISM MAN LOST IN A SUMMER HAZE WE WERE HEROES OPTIMISM MAN & HOT CHOCOLATE SHOESTRING BELT AND A BATH TOWEL CAPE, WE WERE HEROES SEMI SUPERS POP CAN ROBBERS TO DEFEAT AND MOPS TO SAVE, WE WERE HEROES CAPTAIN ORDINARY NOW BILLY NEEDS ME, BUT NOT AS HENRY TOWNSFOLK OH CAPTAIN ORDINARY! CAPTAIN ORDINARY SO WHEN THE LIGHTS GO DOWN AND IT’S YOUR TIME TO SHINE AND YOU KNOW A HERO NEVER LEAVES A FRIEND BEHIND AND NOW I’VE REACHED THE CROSSROADS OF WHO I AM AND WHO I’LL BE…. FREE TO FIND THE STRENGTH INSIDE TO HOLD THE FATE YOU LEFT TO ME I CAN BREAK THROUGH THESE LIMITATIONS, I PUT THEM HERE MYSELF. I’M NOT AN IMITATION, I’M A FIRST EDITION ON THE SHELF AND IN OUR STORY’S FINAL HOUR YOU DON’T NEED A SUPERPOWER TO BE EXTRAORDINARY
17.
HOT CHOCOLATE NOW DON’T GET ME WRONG I DON’T MEAN TO SOUND CONCEDED BUT EVERYTIME I FACE A VILLAIN THEY’RE ALREADY DEFEATED YOU KNOW I TRY AND I TRY TRY TO KEEP THIS FLAME A BURNIN’ AND I WORK, I’M BERSERK, AND I SWEAT BUT I FRET NEVER GONNA PASS ALL THESE LESSONS WE’RE LEARNING BOTTOM OF THE CLASS, NEVER WILL SURPASS FALLING ON MY ASS, NOT NO MORE HOT CHOCOLATE (CONT) PUSHED AGAINST THE WALL, ANSWERING THE CALL, GONNA BEAT EM ALL HEAR ME ROAR OH AND I KNOW THAT I’VE GOT A TEAM, SO I’VE GOT A SHOT GONNA MAKE EM TASTE ALL I’VE GOT THOUGHT I WAS ALONE BUT NOW I KNOW I’M NOT AND I’LL SHOW NO ONE’S GONNA FIGHT THOSE I’VE FOUGHT NO ONE’S GONNA CATCH THOSE I’VE CAUGHT VICTORIES LIKE MINE CAN’T BE BOUGHT STOP DROP AND ROLL THIS SUPE'S GOT SOUL WHAT STARTED AS COAL IS BURNIN OUT OF CONTROL OWL GIRL WATCH EVIL FLY YOU’VE MET YOUR DEMISE I SEE THROUGH YOUR LOUD DISGUISE NOW DEATH STRIKES FROM THE STORMY SKIES NOW STEP ASIDE THIS HAS GIVEN ME EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED A CHANCE TO PROVE MY WORTH PUT AN END TO HOW I’VE BEEN TREATED WIN THIS FIGHT, WIN HIS LOVE CAUSE DEATH COMES FROM ABOVE AND WHEN PUSH COMES TO SHOVE BAD GUYS PLAY ROUGH BOTH OH AND I KNOW OWL GIRL NOW’S MY MOMENT, HERE IS MY SHOT HOT CHOCOLATE GONNA MAKE EM TASTE ALL I’VE GOT BOTH NEVER GONNA BE WHAT I’M NOT NOW LET’S GO HOT CHOCOLATE UNLEASH MY FLAME, INFERNO’S GETTIN’ HOT OWL GIRL I WON’T ROOST UNTIL YOU ROT HOT CHOCOLATE THIS ONE’S FOR THE LEAGUE OWL GIRL WELL BABY TAKE YOUR SHOT! BOTH HOOO! HOT CHOCOLATE OWL GIRL STOP DROP AND ROLL WATCH ME SOAR THIS SUPE'S GOT SOUL NOW YOU’RE DONE FOR WHAT STARTED AS COAL BEATEN TO THE FLOOR IS BURNIN OUT OF CONTROL FOREVER MORE HOT CHOCOLATE BOTTOM OF THE CLASS, NEVER WILL SURPASS, FALLING ON MY ASS NOT NO MORE OWL GIRL PUSHED AGAINST THE WALL, ANSWERING THE CALL, GONNA BEAT EM ALL WATCH ME SOAR BOTH AHHHH
18.
CROWFORD (2) ANY MINUTE NOW SHE’LL RUN THROUGH THE DOOR NOT EXPECTING ANYTHING, THE TALONS, THE GORE SUCH A SWEET YOUNG GIRL- HER HEART SO DEMURE PITY SHE’LL BE UGLY AFTER I EVISCERATE HER FACE, TONIGHT- CROWFORD (1) EXCUSE ME PLEASE, MAY I JUST HAVE A MOMENT OF YOUR TIME. I HAVE A FEW CONCERN AND YOUR CONCERNS ARE MINE OWL GIRL’S IN THE OTHER ROOM IN MORTAL DANGER, DON’T YOU THINK WE BETTER TRY AND GO AND SAVE HER?! LOOK I KNOW THAT YOU WON’T UNDERSTAND THE MUSINGS OF MY HUMAN MIND. BUT I REFUSE TO GIVE IN TO THIS ANIMALISTIC SIDE CROWFORD (VOICE 2) ANY MINUTE NOW I’LL PLUCK OUT HER EYES DOESN’T MATTER WHAT GOES DOWN BITCH GON BE BLIND CROWFORD (1) BUT THEN THERE’S OWL GIRL AND WITH HER WING IN MINE WE’RE SOARING HIGH, LEAVE THIS MADNESS BEHIND CROWFORD (2 OVERLAPPING) ANY SECOND NOW THE DEED WILL BE DONE TEAR HER LIMB FROM LIMB SHUT UP THE GAMES HAVE BEGUN CROWFORD (2) FOR SUCH A BRAVE YOUNG SOUL- WHAT I HAVE IN STORE IS A GORY, BLOODY, RETCHING, DISEMBOWELING- DANCE, WE SHARE, TONIGHT-
19.
DR.MOUSTACHE DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE THIS RUGGED UPPER-LIPPED HANDSOMENESS? I BET YOU CAN’T EVEN GROW ONE HERE IN YOUR HERO’S DARKEST HOUR NARY A SINGLE SUPERPOWER IT’S CUTE BUT MOOT ALL YOU ARE JUST A SUBSTITUTE DR.MOUSTACHE CAUSE WHEN THE LIGHTS GO DOWN, WELL THEN IT’S JUDGEMENT TIME WHEN I THINK OF A HERO- YOU’RE NOT WHAT COMES TO MIND I HALF BELIEVED IN MIRACLES WHEN YOU WALKED IN WITH THAT MASK BUT ORDINARY IS NO MORE AND NOW WE TURN TO THE FINAL TASK CROWS OPTIMISM MAN CROW SOLO HE’S SUCH A PRECIOUS ANGEL DR. MOUSTACHE AND CROWS HE’S GONNA BE SO DEAD, CROW SOLO OR AT LEAST DISABLED DR. MOUSTACHE SAY GOODBYE HENRY HARVEY CAUSE YOUR FRIEND’S ABOUT TO CROAK CONDOLENCES BOY WONDER OPTIMISM’S JUST A JOKE YOU’RE NOTHING CROWS NOTHING DR. MOUSTACHE NOTHING CROWS NOTHING DR. MOUSTACHE YOU LET GRAMPS DOWN AND IT’S SUCH A PITY, THAT YOU’RE NOT THE SAME GUY
20.
Almost 04:39
ANNIE THIS IS NOT HOW THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN NO, YOU WEREN’T EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE HERE OPTIMISM’S NO SHIELD, NO WEAPON YOU HAD HEART WHERE YOU SHOULD HAVE HAD FEAR. YOU WERE A HERO TO ME- I COULDN’T BE A HERO FOR YOU THIS WHOLE TOWN NEEDED YOU HERE, AND YOU DISAPPEAR THERE’S NOTHING I CAN DO SO DON’T GO FILL THE BLANK PAGES OF YOUR STORY WHEN WE HAD SO MUCH, MUCH MORE WE WANTED TO DO, SAVE A LIFE OR TWO DON’T GO WE WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE OUR STORY IT WOULD HAVE BEEN REAL AND ORDINARY IT WOULD’VE BEEN TRUE BUT A ME WITHOUT YOU IS JUST COMPANY ALMOST ANNIE JUST TEARING AT THE PAPER CUZ THE PEN’S OUT OF INK- I’M COMPANY ALMOST ANNIE GOT THE IDEA BUT I CAN’T SEEM TO THINK- I WAS ALMOST HOME AND I’M BANGING ON THE DOOR BUT I KNOW I’VE LOST THE KEY, CAN’T GET CLOSER THAN A GLIMPSE THROUGH A WINDOW BECAUSE WITHOUT YOU, I’M ALMOST A HERO COMPANY SO IT’S WRITTEN EMILY NOT IN STONE COMPANY SO IT GOES EMILY NO DON’T LET GO COMPANY WITHIN OUR HEARTS NOW IS YOUR NEW HOME EMILY THAT’S NOT WHAT HE WOULD HAVE WANTED COMPANY ALMOST HEROES ANNIE ALL ALONE COMPANY BUT ALL GOOD HEROES ARE NEVER TRULY GONE EMILY YOU CAN’T BE THE DAMSEL IN DISTRESS AND A SUPERHERO TOO HE KNEW WHAT HE SIGNED UP FOR AND I THOUGHT I COULD SAY THE SAME FOR YOU COMPANY HE WASN’T GIVEN A CHOICE, BUT IF HE EVER GOT TO CHOOSE HE WOULD HAVE DIED TO SAVE ANY ONE OF YOU EMILY YOU ARE THE PEOPLE WHO SAVED THE WORLD TODAY AND IF OUR WORLD IS SMALL THEN THAT’S OK AND THE REST OF US? WE’RE HERE TO STAY AND I KNOW THAT YOU HAD BIG IDEAS FOR YOUR STORY ANNIE AND WE HAVE SO MUCH MORE, MUCH MORE WE GOTTA DO BOTH SAVE A LIFE OR TWO COMPANY ALMOST EMILY A HERO DOESN’T STRIVE FOR FAME OR FOR GLORY COMPANY ALMOST BOTH BELIEVE IN WHO YOU ARE YOU’LL BE THE HERO OF YOUR STORY COMPANY DEAD NOT GONE REMEMBER WHAT HE STOOD FOR HIS LEGACY WILL LIVE SUPERHEROES NEVER DIE FOREVER WE WILL HONOR OPTIMISM AND ALL THAT’S POSITIVE THINGS ARE ALREADY LOOKING BETTER ANNIE ALMOST
21.
DR.MOUSTACHE YOU GOTTA LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE YOU’VE GOT TO SMILE THROUGH THE PAIN FOR YOUR SEMI-SUPER-DUPER FRIENDSHIP WAS TRAGICALLY, PATHETICALLY, UTTERLY IN VAIN THINGS COULD BE WORSE THIS YOU’LL SOON KNOW FOR EVERY MEMBER OF YOUR SHITTY LITTLE TOWN, I’VE GOT A DOZEN RABID CROWS THINGS WILL BE WORSE, AND SOON YOU WILL SEE THAT THE ONLY PERSON IN THE UNIVERSE THAT MATTERS IS ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. SO RUN FOR COVER COWER AND CRY SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR LOVER AND DIE. DIE. DIE.
22.
Finale 05:37
CROWFORD AT THE END OF THE DAY WE WRITE OUR STORIES ALL OVER THIS PAPER TOWN ONLY FOOLS TRY TO GUESS THE ENDING BEFORE IT’S BEEN WRITTEN DOWN AND I’VE BEEN AROUND FOR A LONG TIME I’VE NEVER SEEN A STORY QUITE LIKE THIS SURE, GOOD DEFEATED EVIL BUT THE BIRD GOT THE GIRL CROWFORD & OWL GIRL AND ORDINARY PEOPLE SAVED THE WORLD OWL GIRL Town. CROWFORD Whatever. CROWFORD & OWL GIRL NOW WE’RE FLYING EVEN HIGHER THAN WE EVER COULD HAVE FLOWN BEFORE AND THOUGH WE HAD THE CHANCE TO LEAVE, WE STAYED TO SEE WHAT’S IN STORE CROWFORD Owl Girl and I were grateful to the League of Semi-Supers for showing us the compassion that Moustache never had. In the end our courageous actions stopped Moustache and we now know that any man, woman, or bird can be a hero. COMPANY OUR STORY GOES ON OWL GIRL Dr. Moustache’s soul was cleansed. He’s now the most caring and thoughtful townsman. He is the citizen of the month in every edition of the newspaper due to his good deeds. COMPANY OUR STORY GOES ON CHAZZ Emily is now the manager of the League of Semi-Supers. She spends what little free time she has sharing her favourite movies with me mostly. I’m getting closer to winning her back everyday. COMPANY OUR STORY GOES ON HOT CHOCOLATE Captain Ordinary alternates weeks between Plainsville and the nearby Metropolis where he mentors local mediocre super heroes and helps them find small towns that need their help. CAPTAIN ORDINARY Hot Chocolate now runs the Convenience Store for me and leads the league when I’m away. She decided plain wasn’t so bad after all. ALL AND OUR STORY HAS A HAPPY ENDING AFTER ALL ANNIE Billy was saved. We live a quiet life as the town’s doctor and nurse. BILLY Annie's the doctor- and I’m the nurse. CROWFORD With the most optimistic bedside manner ever. EMILY I COLLECT EVERY ISSUE LIL JOHNNY I COLLECT EVERY DOLL LIL DEBBIE Action figure! ALL THREE IF IT’S SEMI-SUPER, I WANT IT ALL! ALL IF YOU NEED A HERO IN A MINUTE CALL US CUZ OUR TIME TO SHINE IS BEGINNIN’ NATURAL DISASTERS, ROBOTIC RAPTORS, WHATEVER YOU FEAR TOWNSFOLK GOOD THING WE DON’T HAVE THOSE HERE ALL SO IF YOU NEED A SPIDER KILLED OR POTHOLE FILLED OUR STORY GOES ON, IT GOES ON, IT GOES ON, IT GOES, ON IT GOES, ON IT GOES, ON, OUR STORY GOES ON, IT GOES ON, IT GOES ON, IT GOES ON, IT GOES, ON DISEMBODIED VOICE: One Year Later... HOT CHOCOLATE It has been a whole year and I still can’t close this register OPTIMISM HC I keep telling you, it's all in the hips! You can do it! ANNIE OK…. has anybody noticed that every time he says that, you can actually do it? HOT CHOCOLATE Annie, you’re losing it. He’s just an empowering dude! CAPTAIN ORDINARY Yeah, I’ve known the guy my whole life. There’s no way Billy’s had powers this whole time- ANNIE Henry, every time you didn’t believe in yourself he told you to and then all of a sudden you did. Billy can make things happen! Hey- think I can lift this mysterious car out of the loading zone? BILLY Well… sure if you give it your all! You can do it! TOWNSFOLK Oooooooooohhhh ALL (Excited rabble rabble rabble) DRAG RACER You Fools!! You will RUE the day that you trashed the hotrod of the fabulous DRAG RACER!!! CAPTAIN ORDINARY Looks like our breaks over team, HOT CHOCOLATE Guess we’ll be pulling some over time ALL IF YOU NEED A HERO IN A MINUTE CALL US CUZ OUR TIME TO SHINE IS BEGINNIN’ IF IT’S DAY OR IT’S NIGHT, WE WILL FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT JUST YOU WAIT AND SEE DRAG RACER YOU AINT SEEN NOTHING LIKE ME! ALL PLAINSVILLE HAS NO COPS, OUR WORK NEVER STOPS ALL OUR STORY GOES ON, IT GOES ON, IT GOES ON, IT GOES ON, IT GOES, ON IT GOES ON, IT GOES ON, OUR STORY GOES ON IT GOES ON, IT GOES ON, IT GOES ON, IT GOES ON... CROWFORD Well, my plucky friends… maybe our little town isn’t so quiet after all. Either way it’s the kind of place that will remind you that anything can be extraordinary. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome home! ALL HERE AND NOW AND DAY TO DAY WE’RE JUST LIVING OUR LIVES, TRYING TO FIND OUR WAY LIVE IN THE MOMENT IS WHAT THEY SAY TODAY IS JUST AN ORDINARY DAY TODAY IS JUST AN ORDINARY DAY TODAY IS JUST AN ORDINARY AND THAT IS OUR EXTRAORDINARY JUST ANOTHER ORDINARY DAY IN PLAINSVILLE, U.S.A PLAINSVILLE U.S.A

about

Almost Heroes is the tale of Captain Ordinary and his League of Semi-Superheroes.
Their sweet innocent town of Plainsville is under constant mediocre threat from the not yet super villain Dr. Moustache and his murder of crows!
Captain Ordinary has always been able to protect Plainsville from harm... but for some reason something seems different about the Captain these days.
Come along for the ride as our group of inexperienced supers learn what it really takes to be a hero!

credits

released August 20, 2017

Captain Ordinary: Matt Graham
Optimism Man: Michael Vetsch
Annie Greene: Pippa Fyfe
Hot Chocolate: Sue Goberdhan
Emily Walker: Jeannine Naboye
Chazz Hudson: Chris Weymouth
Dr. Moustache: Evan Westfal
Owl Girl: Rachel Kent
Crowford 1: Brian Christensen
Crowford 2: Kaleb Romano
Lil' Johnny: Mohamed Ahmed
Lil' Debby: Arden Phillips
Bitzy: Erin Leflar
Henchman: Conor Meadows

Music: Matt Graham
Lyrics: Matt Graham, Sue Goberdhan, Jessica Poole and Kaleb Romano
Arrangements and Production: Brian Raine

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Igneous Theatre Productions Edmonton, Alberta

Igneous Theatre Productions is a homegrown musical theatre company from Edmonton, Alberta focused on creating new, exciting, and fun musical theatre!

Coming from all areas of theatre, music, design and business the Igneous team's debut musical Almost Heroes is now available for purchase and download!
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