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A Way To Be Cruel

from Almost Heroes by Igneous Theatre Productions

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about

We are taken deep beneath Plainsville to Dr. Moustaches secret evil lair.

With the help of his henchman, as well as his trusted lab accident Owl Girl- he has kidnapped Chazz in hopes of syphoning his bravado with his (patented) SOUL SUCKER 6000!

Because any old anybody can be a villain. But it takes a real Evil Doctor to be a nemesis.

lyrics

HENCHMEN
MURDER, MURDER, MURDER, OF CROOOOWS

DR. MOUSTACHE
I'M NOT THAT BAD OF A BAD GUY
NOT TOO FIENDISH OF A FIEND
NOT YET WORTHY TO BE FOE-WORTHY
BUT I ALWAYS MEAN TO BE MEAN
I TRY MY BEST TO CAUSE DISTRESS
BUT IT TAKES A VILLAIN TO COMMIT VILLAINY

You see Chad, dear Chad-

CHAZZ
Interrupting
Chazz.

DR. MOUSTACHE
What?!

CHAZZ
Chazz. My name. Chazzzzz. With two Zees.

DR. MOUSTACHE
Ah. I see. You are a douche. Now Chazz, dear Chazz, don't be afraid of me. I wouldn't hurt you, I couldn't hurt you. I've always had a certain predisposition...

YOU KNOW I’VE PLOTTED ALL THE PLOTS
AND I’VE SCHEMED ALL THE SCHEMES
AND I’VE SET THE SET FOR MANY TRAPS
AND I’VE GOT A MURDER TO LEAD
DR. MOUSTACHE (CONT)
SO HERE’S MY STORY, FROM START TO FINISH
AND THIS IS HOW THE ENDING WILL BE...

YOU SEE I’VE GOT THIS MACHINE, IT’LL MAKE ALL MY DREAMS COME TRUE
YOU CAN CALL IT OBSCENE, BUT MY DREAM IS A NIGHTMARE FOR YOU
IT’LL MAKE ME A MAN TO CARRY THROUGH WITH A PLAN OR TWO
AND SOMEDAY SOON I’LL SAY ORDINARY AND ALL YOU’LL SAY IS WHO?

DON’T YOU KNOW THAT BRAIN TRUMP BRAWN?
ASK ANY ROBBER, JOKER, THIEF, OR FOOL
AND ONCE I GATHER SOME GUTS
DARLING, I WILL FIND A WAY TO BE CRUEL

CROWFORD & OWL GIRL
YOU’RE GONNA FEED HIS MACHINE, IT’LL STEAL ALL HE NEEDS FROM YOU
YOU CAN STRUGGLE WITH MIGHT, ‘CAUSE YOU’RE IN FOR A FRIGHT WHEN YOU’RE ALL ALONE AND DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO
TRY NOT TO SCREAM, IT’S A PAIN THAT YOU’VE NEVER EVEN KNEW

WHEN PUSH COMES TO SHOVE, I’M PUSHING YOU
WHEN PUSH COMES TO SHOVE LET CHAOS ENSUE
WHEN PUSH COMES TO SHOVE ALL YOUR NIGHTMARES COMES TRUE

credits

from Almost Heroes, released August 20, 2017
Dr. Moustache- Evan Westfal
Crowford 1- Brian Christensen
Crowford 2- Kaleb Romano
Owl Girl- Rachel Kent

license

all rights reserved

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Igneous Theatre Productions Edmonton, Alberta

Igneous Theatre Productions is a homegrown musical theatre company from Edmonton, Alberta focused on creating new, exciting, and fun musical theatre!

Coming from all areas of theatre, music, design and business the Igneous team's debut musical Almost Heroes is now available for purchase and download! ... more

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